Take a single day. Not a particular significant one like your own birthday or an anniversary, just a random one that is just another date in the diary. I’ll choose one to start us off. Monday 22nd February. This year on Monday 22nd February 2021 worldwide, around 150,000 people died, and around 300,000 babies were born. Every birth and death will have an impact on at least say, 10 other relatives or friends - so just on Monday 22nd February 2021, at least 4,500,000 people would have been directly affected by a birth or a death and most likely have shed a tear. And the same on Tuesday. And again on Wednesday. Every week, every day, every hour and every minute, someone somewhere has something significant happening.
I picked Monday 22nd February as for me, this year, a lot seemed to be going on. My diary for that day in previous years normally has just one entry - ‘Jo’s birthday’. Jo is one of my longest standing school friends who I’ve known since I was 13. She makes me laugh, speaks a lot of sense when I am having a wallow, is generous and kind and one of the only people I know who got married to the same man twice. However, that date started jumping out at me over the last few weeks. I was messaging another friend a while back who told me she had to go into hospital for a serious operation on Monday 22nd. Mentally noted. The death just over 2 weeks ago of someone I’ve known since I was 16 didn’t come as a complete shock. As a part of the group of old friends, we knew he had terminal cancer and we knew he was near the end – but his funeral - which I couldn’t attend in person due to COVID restrictions - was set for Monday 22nd. Monday 22nd was the day another friend of mine had an appointment with a hospital specialist and the same day I had to break bad news to my boss about an old client of ours who had died in the early hours that morning. On a much lighter note, Monday 22nd was the date my lovely friend was to receive her first COVID vaccination; the day the daffs in our garden opened to wave their yellow bonnets at us and the day Boris was to outline how we would be finally lifted out of lockdown.
Lots of emotions happening to a just a handful of people I know, on just that one day. Although I couldn’t attend the funeral on Monday, I watched the service via zoom and shed my share of tears as one my closest male buddies helped carry the wicker coffin for our dear departed mate. And I know as I sat there hunched over my laptop yet again, feeling rubbish as I couldn’t reach out and give him a hug – these everyday emotions of grief, loss, pain and joy are experienced all over the world by millions daily. The times I happily dance around the kitchen on a Friday evening celebrating the start of the weekend with a cheeky red; or elated because my sons have done something to make me super proud; there will be someone who has received some devasting health news or suffered domestic abuse from the hands of a so-called loved one.
I have been thinking about what another friend said to me over the weekend - that you really never know what is going on behind other people’s closed doors. It was something she always tells her children as she herself has had to confront some tricky times over the years. Some really huge deal could be happening with people close to you and you really would never know. I hid my general anxiety disorder for a long time behind smiles, being silly and ‘I’m fines’. When I eventually opened up, most people – close friends as well - just had no idea. And the amount of ‘me too’ in response to my coming out as it were, is testament to the level of anxiety and mental health issues that are out there, many people hiding their fears as I did. But the statement is true - we really do not know what is going on behind closed doors and should remember this as we live each day. I’ve written about judgement and kindness in earlier blogs – how we shouldn’t jump to conclusions and judge people without knowing the whole story. How the guy who cuts you up in the car at a roundabout may be rushing to visit his dying mother in hospital; or the surly girl behind the checkout at Tesco may have just been dumped.
I took the dog out for a Long Walk and a Big Think after the funeral on Monday and I must say, with my furrowed brow and sternly set face caught up in my own memories – anyone seeing me stomping up the lane, ignoring anyone coming the other way, would have just clocked me as a rude and grumpy old bat, without knowing at all about the rollercoaster of emotions I had gone through just that day. Anger at the virus. Sad our friend died so young. Relief his suffering was over. Sorry for his wife and girls he left behind. Uselessness at not being able to reach out to my friends. Comfort with the memories I have. Excitement there is an end in sight of the UK lockdown. Pure elation that the boys get to start back to school soon. Happy for Jo’s eleventy-twelfth birthday. Cheered by the sight of the Spring bulbs a-springing. And hope for us all with the vaccine roll-out.
All emotions that make up A Day in the Life.
Which, by the way, is one of my favourite Beatles’ songs and brings me joy every time I hear it.
© The Real Tilly Fairfax