Twice a week, the boys have to do their own COVID-19 lateral flow test. Twice a week I remind them to swab, and twice a week I check they have reported the results by uploading them to the relevant website via the QR code they scanned on their phones. Eighteen months ago, we didn’t know what a lateral flow test was. Two years ago, we didn’t know what COVID-19 was. Five years ago, I really didn’t know what a QR code was and when I first started work thirty years ago, there wasn’t an online world that mere mortals like us could access, let alone upload data to, all from a device thinner and smaller than a Sony Walkman. That dates me.
Every now and then I am astounded at what our world has become. How quickly technology has moved on especially in the way we communicate, be entertained and access information. It seems to accelerate at such an alarming speed that as soon as I get around to upgrading my handset every two years or so, I have to relearn a load of new tricks. Apps. What are they and when did they first become A Thing? And yet I wouldn’t be without my banking app, my map app, my ebay app or my meditation app. I flit from Messenger to WeChat; WhatsApp to Signal; iMessage to texting via SMS as and when I need, so I can keep up my communication with various clients and friends- all who have their own preferences. And when the actual handset rings (which always takes me by surprise especially when the ringtone has been changed by a well-meaning child), I fluster and flap before answering whether the call is via Facetime, Zoom, WhatsApp video or just good old-fashioned audio telecommunication - as I need to have a quick check I don’t have a dried bogie on my nose or spinach in my teeth for those face-to-face catch ups.
I don’t think my sons believe me when I tell them how I would communicate with home when I first left to go to University. Once a week, normally on a Sunday, I would join a queue of other students to use a communal telephone kiosk just outside the halls of residence. I put, I think, 10p into the slot, said a quick hello until the pips went, and then my parents would call me back on the number I had read out to them, just about legible above the dirty silver buttons we hit to dial. We would have a brief catch up - the length of the chat depending on the severity of the weather or how long the queue was outside. We would all call on a Sunday as, back-in-the-day, calls on a Sunday were free, or at least on a cheaper rate. Sometimes, you would walk past an empty kiosk and hear the phone just ringing into the silent night– the callers hoping some kind passer-by would answer and hunt down the student the call was intended for – who nine times out of ten would be propping up the bar at the student union, oblivious of time or responsibility. How times have changed. Now there will be no getting away from it all – students I’m sure still prop up the bar, but with a mobile in their hand as well as beer, checking in with those back home as they go – being available 24/7 isn’t always a good thing.
I’m not quite sure if my inability to keep up with social media is an age-thing, or just me. I have Facebook which according to my sons, no-one uses. I have Twitter but haven’t really got used to #hashtags. I thought I understood Instagram – it used to be so simple – upload a photo, get some likes and perhaps a notable comment. Not now. Now you have to have a ‘story’ that grips the short 1.2 seconds attention span people have, before being swiped to infinity – or make a ‘reel’ which as far as I can surmise, consists of people uploading music and either dancing around their kitchen pointing to meaningful words and life-affirming phrases that pop up as if by magic around them; or people dubbing scenes from films which have some relevance to their life, with of course, a spurious link to the movie. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine. Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. All I have to offer in this world of bells and whistles is a picture of my dog or some blossom - or perhaps my blog topic - and hope someone somewhere follows the link and reads beyond the second sentence. Actually, it is amazing anyone ever gets this far down the page considering my lack of gimmicks. Perhaps I am missing a trick and I should draw on my talent of knowing a rude word for every letter of the alphabet.
I am not a dinosaur and despite my cynicism, I do embrace how wonderful it is to be able to communicate with anyone at any time and gather information at the touch of a button. I am just slightly cross I need my glasses each time I try to post something or need to read my messages. However, what I am slightly nervous about, is the introduction of driverless cars - which according to someone I heard on the radio, will be with us in the UK by the end of this year. Has the world gone mad?! Have we really come that far that we will see cars pootling along with the passengers and driver facing the wrong way? What will they do – play cards? Watch movies? This is 2021. When did we start living in Tomorrow’s World? I can remember when I was young being told we would all have Video Phones and see each other speak, and not believing that either. Is life speeding up that quickly that each time a design idea or experiment becomes an actual reality, I’ll be sitting on the fence not wanting to admit the future is upon us?
I hope not. I am rather looking forward to zooming around with my jet pack on.
Until then, I’ll keep on fumbling through my posts, uploading photos of my dog and carry on carrying on.
© The Real Tilly Fairfax
